I thought my classmates would burn

by NATHANAEL O’REILLY

in the Lake of Fire. I thought billions of people
couldn’t see the truth that was revealed to me.
I thought eating pork, ham and bacon was a sin,
avoided meat from animals without cloven hooves,
fish without scales, bottom-feeding crabs and yabbies.
I thought following the commandments and Old Testament
laws would save me, that all the kids at school
knew I was a weirdo, a freak, an outsider
who would never have a girlfriend. I thought my BMX
was the coolest on the block. I thought carob, muesli
and Ryvita were normal foods, that white bread
and white sugar were evil. I thought Satan watched me
through my bedroom window, that my guardian angel
protected me from demons and kept me safe
while playing barefoot lunchtime rugby. I thought
being spanked by my father with a wooden paddle
was normal. I thought Christmas, Easter and birthdays
were pagan, sat outside classrooms while my classmates
sang Christmas carols and created decorations.
I thought I lived during the End Times,
that World War Three would begin before I reached
adulthood, that God would save me and my brethren
from Armageddon and take us to the Place of Safety
at Petra where we’d live for three years in the desert
until Christ’s return and The Resurrection.
I thought Miranda Burnett was the most beautiful girl
in grade six, the sweetest, kindest most arse-kicking
handball player, was sure God made a big mistake
when Miranda’s younger sister died of leukemia.
I thought my mates’ teenage sisters were goddesses
when they wore white bikinis at Surfers Paradise.
I thought the performance of Handel’s Messiah
my parents took me to hear at Brisbane Town Hall
divinely inspired, especially the Hallelujah Chorus.
I thought my Catholic relatives were well-meaning,
but unknowingly attended a false church. I thought
it normal to go barefoot everywhere, to hold spitting
competitions at school. I thought my parents were strict
but fair, that I was Mum’s favorite. I thought that after
Christ’s return I would be converted into a spirit
being and receive eternal life as my reward
for a lifetime of obedience. I thought my transformation
would occur before I was old enough to marry
and have sex. I thought I was one of the chosen.

Ω

Nathanael O’Reilly is the author of fourteen poetry collections, including Terminals, Separation Blues: Poems 1994-2024, Dublin Wandering, Landmarks, Boulevard, and (Un)belonging. His poetry appears in journals and anthologies published in fifteen countries. He is Associate Professor of Creative Writing at The University of Texas at Arlington.

Amber MV is an ecopsych-focused writer, artist, therapist, and life coach in California. Her work has been published in Ruminate Magazine, Glass Mountain Literary Journal, Brickplight, Illuminations Literary Magazine, Stonecoast Review Literary Arts Journal, and Ragazine. Connect with her at www.wellintheworld.com.